Oh that’s very generous of you
It was nothing – don’t worry about it
Oh you’re too kind
If you’ve ever heard yourself respond in any of these ways when a colleague or friend gives you a compliment or some positive feedback, you may have some resistance to accepting praise.
I hear you, I’ve struggled with this too. There’s nothing inherently wrong with any of these responses. It’s just that they represent a missed opportunity to really accept and take on board and HEAR something wonderful about yourself. And that makes me feel sad – I want you to hear how wonderful you really are.
Because when you truly accept the positive stuff, you start to believe it.
And when you believe in yourself and your strengths, well, amazing things start to happen.
So why might we resist praise? Because we were taught not to be proud or show off. Because if we accept that we are brave, or creative….then we might have to be more brave or creative, and that feels scary – better stay in our comfort zone of being just, well, fine.
I don’t know exactly why you are resisting praise, but noticing what comes up next time you get some will give you a clue. And then you can gently ask yourself if there’s an alternative story you can tell. Is it proud to accept praise? Will it really turn you into an obnoxious big head?
You can also practise accepting praise.
It goes like this, ‘thank you.’
or ‘thank you, I really appreciate you giving me that feedback.’
or ‘thank you, that’s so good to hear.’
And see how it feels. Accepting praise also has the added benefit of making the giver feel great too. When we brush off the lovely feedback we create a tiny spark of resistance. The person giving the feedback feels that. They might feel dismissed or not heard themselves. (Have you ever experienced that? How did it feel?)
And yet when we accept with a ‘thank you’ both the giver and receiver get a lovely dose of feel-good brain chemicals. Win win. What a lovely energy that creates.
So here’s my suggestion for you: the end of the year is a great time to reflect and review. Go out and ask for some feedback then practice accepting it with a thank you.
That might sound like:
‘I’m using the Christmas holidays to reflect on my strengths and what I can build on in 2023, please could you let me know 3 strengths you recognise in me? I’m happy to share the same about you’
If you like, you can even say ‘my leadership coach suggested this would be a great way to finish the year’ – I’m very happy to be held responsible! Maybe even forward them this blog so you can do it together?
