When Andrea came to me, at the back end of 2023, on the recommendation of a colleague, she was coping. Just. She was unhappy, with the pressures of leading a busy pressured department where the stakes are very high, leaking into family life. She felt snappy and stressed at home. She swung between worrying she wasn’t doing a good enough job and yet a frustration that she did have the experience, the guts and the empathy to be an amazing leader but was struggling to articulate herself well in the meetings that mattered. What a rollercoaster.
Early on, she said to me ‘Why would anyone want me as a senior leader?’
On paper, it was obvious, she’s a brilliant, kind, caring and experienced professional. But inside she was struggling to believe it.
As with lots of my clients, one or two very difficult work situations in quick succession had knocked Andrea’s self- belief. We were at a bit of a ‘am I going to jack it all in because it’s too much?’ moment.
Well, let’s see what happened next….
We started our 1-1 coaching focusing on processing some of the anger, frustration and sadness of the past year, with no judgement of Andrea or anyone involved, no expectation, just getting those feelings out in a safe space and seeing if there was anything she felt able to let go of. Emotional Freedom Technique is amazing for helping those of us who like to theorize and overthink (me included!) It gets us out of our thinking mind – the same mind which drives us mad with ‘am I absolutely brilliant or an absolute mess?’ and allows us to focus on those emotions which are wonderful signposts to what we really need.
After clearing a few top layers of those bottled-up feelings, we blended some practical work around how to navigate a couple of tricky relationships: experimenting with boundaries, getting insight into how to land important messages, with bigger questions about what does Andrea want. In between sessions Andrea had conversations, landed messages, reflected, and continued to do some EFT to support her along the way. It wasn’t linear but she started to feel happier, more able to see the choices she could make, less attached to others’ behaviour or actions.
What about tangible outcomes?
Whenever I start work with a new client we spend time really getting clear on what they want to be celebrating in six months time. Of course we go off-piste sometimes because life happens, and the context changes, but we know what we are aiming for.
One objective we agreed was that Andrea wanted to feel challenged by her job but be consistently enjoying it. She reported a starting point, in session one, of two out of ten but at the end of our time together, an eight.
She wanted to feel more detached from others’ actions and decisions that she couldn’t control, because the resentment and the anger was eating up so much of her limited energy.
As an objective this looked like having compassion for herself and others and keeping the negative stress at a manageable level. We started at a three out of ten and ended at a seven out of ten.
These are just two examples of many goals we had in our time together, that we shifted positively and dramatically.
What did Andrea say about her coaching experience with me?
‘You gave me time, allowed me to cry, swear and articulate myself how I was feeling. You validated how I was feeling and allowed me to explore that in safety and my own time. Even when I came in and said I was “fine” you managed to unpick that I wasn’t and we dealt with that before I left the room. I am very grateful to you for getting me through what was a challenging period and could have seen me walk away from my job. Thank you … :-)’
And how was she feeling as we finished our work together?
‘I feel confident in a way I haven’t before… confident to try, confident to make mistakes and come back from them, confident to be who I am and know that I am fantastic! I am much more aware of how I am around others and the need to give them time and space to develop themselves. I feel lighter!!’
When I asked Andrea’s permission to share this story, she emailed back yes, and that she was taking December calmly with time out to chill with her family, laptop firmly closed when it should be, clarity to focus on what’s really important.
And that is the best Christmas present I could have asked for – thank you Andrea for the opportunity to do some really inspiring work together.
