Have you been through a truly horrible period of work that’s left your self-belief in shreds? Worried you’ll never regain your confidence and energy for work?
Let me tell you about my wonderful client Michelle and how our work together helped her surf the waves of a rubbish year and come out the other end feeling positive and ready to lead again.
Michelle had two goals when we started work together for a short 2-session programme of coaching: to move past a distressing six months which had eroded her self-belief and destroyed her optimism and to unpick the unhelpful power dynamics she had experienced in more than one recent role to work out how to navigate this kind of thing in the future.
Quite a lot for two sessions?
Yes, and I always say ‘aim high’ to coaching clients when we are setting objectives for our time together – if you are ready to reflect and explore and you truly want to move forward, anything can happen!
And so it did…
Before we started working together Michelle said
‘I do need some help to process and reframe sticky feelings of deep disappointment and disillusionment from my last two roles, so I can move forward positively and confidently and fully restore my self-belief.’
Michelle is an accomplished, thoughtful, experienced leader. Maybe because she’s also female, petite, very open and easy to get on with, her contributions had been overlooked, and her position undermined, by assertive, older, male colleagues. She’d been talked down to and not taken seriously by colleagues with far less expertise. (This is a story many of my female clients can relate to.)
Michelle arrived with a huge amount of self-awareness. Her clever mind knew exactly why she’d taken a knock, and she was furious. But she was also exhausted from the hard work of trying to navigate what felt like a hostile work environment. She was out of energy, and wondering if she’d ever find a working culture again in which she could be seen and thrive, in spite of having had some wonderful bosses in brilliant teams before. Maybe it was her? Maybe she wasn’t cut out for leadership after all?
In our first session we used emotional freedom technique (EFT) to gently look at all the emotions going on for Michelle, and with Michelle firmly in charge of where we went with it, she decided what of all this she was ready to let go of. This first session can feel quite emotional, if you’ve been holding onto a complex set of feelings for a long time, and a good cry, laugh, a bit of swearing – they are all very welcome in my coaching work, and a fantastic release!
After the first session she said:
‘I didn’t fully know what I was getting myself into with the tapping, but I felt very comfortable with Jen and knew I could trust her to do her thing. The difficult feelings which made me feel stuck have moved from the forefront of my mind to the back of my mind, almost like 2023 happened 5 or even 10 years ago. Jen’s non-judgemental approach and deep empathy made me feel like she was willing to share my load. I feel so much lighter and more optimistic now; I once again recognise myself as a capable professional with so much to offer my next employer. Thank you Jen!’
Sometimes we can feel really tired after a session of EFT, because we’ve potentially put down something really heavy that we’ve been carrying for a long time, and our body just lets out a big sigh and wants to rest. So after a big deep breath, and allowing the work we did in the first session to sink in, we booked in session two – time to look forward.
Our second session
Michelle had experienced a certain kind of power dynamic in recent roles so in our second session we banished some more of those ghosts of old environments and we created an approach for Michelle, to help her navigate any similar challenges should they arise again. This approach aligns with her values and who she wants to be as a leader.
After our two sessions, Michelle sent me a note which said:
‘Clearly tapping works wonders for me – but for me the mirroring part (by Jen) is really critical for me to feel believed and validated and so for me I think it needs to be facilitated.
I feel I can be totally vulnerable and safe at the same time as being respected as a professional woman. Working with you, it isn’t a case of choosing between being a real human being with vulnerabilities or being a shiny, polished leader – we can be all of these things with you. It is a very rare thing to find and experience. I feel very lucky. Keep doing what you are doing and I hope you can reach many more women like me with so much potential, but due to life circumstances and entrenched systemic realities, need a helping hand to lighten their load and move forward.’
Thank you Michelle for giving me the privilege of getting to work together. Watch out world, Michelle is back and she’s taking no nonsense!*
If you’ve had a difficult 2024…
…here are three invitations for you.
- For a two-session package like Michelle had, you want my Restructure Recovery programme which you can read about here. (It doesn’t need to be a restructure that you’re recovering from, it works for other unpleasant work experiences!)
- If your organisation has budget for more in depth support you’ll be needing my signature Compassionate Leader programme – 6 months of 1-1 coaching support including personalised Emotions & Behaviours at Work report and access to my From Frazzled Boss to Inspiring Leader online modules.
- If you like the sound of emotional freedom technique but want to know a bit more, sign up to my free EFT: From 9 to 5, an intro to EFT, a series of 4 emails each including a 5 minute guided EFT tap you can do on your own at home, to take your stress, worry, tension levels from a 9 out of 10 to a 5 out of ten.
*All quotes have been reproduced with Michelle’s express permission, and this retelling of the story of our work together has been signed off by her.
